I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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