God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
