I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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