a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
