i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
