I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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