Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
