I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
