Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
