the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
