Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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