this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
