i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
