I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
