I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
