So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
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