That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
