remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
