the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
