I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dicks are not precious.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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