Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
