so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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