you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
