Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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