I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my being single is dangerous.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
