I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
