Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
