Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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