Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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