remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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