she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
