shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
