Hey man sorry I got all grabby
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
