Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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