ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
