You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
MIDGETS
????
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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