If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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