i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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