Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
