moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
