Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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