marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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