Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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