I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
