My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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