We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
