He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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