So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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