I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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