fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
