you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
