Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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