i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
