her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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