where am i from again
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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