Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
