He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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