Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
