He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
