Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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