3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
