so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
