I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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