After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
