I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
