We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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