So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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