Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
