Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
