We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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