so that wasnt chicken after all
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
